Jackie Gutierrez, founder of Women Kick Balls, details how she overcame her battle with mental health and persevered to become a sports journalist and entrepreneur covering women's soccer.
About Our Guest:
Jackie Gutierrez is the founder and owner of Women Kick Balls, an independent media company providing free articles for soccer fans at all levels. Jackie has over nine years of experience covering the National Women's Soccer League and the US Women's National Team. In 2025, Jackie created Women Kick Balls Coffee Company, brewing fresh coffee which she sells online and operates as a mobile coffee cart to connect with families at youth soccer games. She also provides media and public relations services to soccer organizations, athletes, and content creators and is a contributing writer at Forbes.com.
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This podcast was transcribed automatically. The accuracy of this transcript may vary.
Jackie Gutierrez 00:06
So it's just really so great to be here with you all. I feel like I'm a student part two, in a way. So before we get started, I first off, just wanted to start off by thanking the students and the staff of the SAP arts and culture team for reaching out and inviting me to share tonight. And actually, when I first got the invitation on LinkedIn, it was this very long and thorough message, and I definitely thought it was some sort of scam, and honestly, I probably would have fallen for the scam. So I'm very grateful that this is a very real event. So thank you all so much for just your support and your incredible hospitality and just for the belief in allowing me to share my story tonight. Additionally, I also wanted to thank the sojc for their continued support as well, and not just for tonight, but actually over the past four and five years. Because when I first graduated from my undergrad in 2020 obviously was a weird time during COVID and going to grad school just seemed so intimidating. But even before I was a student, the staff and the professors here have always been so kind and welcoming and just helpful whenever I interacted with them on Zoom. So it's been such an honor to finally meet them for the first time this week. I feel like we're a long time pen pals or something, but when I was thinking about the theme of what I wanted to share tonight, the first word that popped into my mind was fearless, and I'm realizing that can probably sound like a Taylor Swift song, so I apologize for anyone who now has that song stuck in their head, but when I think about the word fearless, it embodies this meaning of being unstoppable. And to be fearless is actually a risk in and of itself, because to be fearless means to be bold, and it also means it's this act of going against the norm. And while that sounds very empowering, it also encompasses an act of bravery, because not many people are willing to to do that, since being fearless will always include some sort of sacrifice. And so tonight, while I can stand up here and just talk about all the positive and most exciting things in my career, I also think that it's just as important to share with you the moments where I was at my lowest two and when things were challenging. Because when we do face challenges in life, obviously those are very hard and bring a lot of heartache, but when you begin to reflect on those times, it's actually what shapes our character the most. And if it wasn't for experiencing some of the darkest valleys, the reality is that I wouldn't be able to stand here and share with you about just some of the most exciting moments of the mountaintops as well. And during my time at the sojc, we learned about a simple storytelling format which is past, present, future, and it's so funny, as I see myself using that a lot in my career. And so tonight, I wanted to follow that same format and also tweak it a little bit by replacing that future portion with some of the lessons that I learned. And so I wanted to actually start off by sharing my personal origin story, what I call my personal testimony, because I believe that will also provide some context for you all of just when it comes to my career as a journalist and as an entrepreneur in sports media. So I'm not going to bore you with my whole family tree or anything weird like that, but I do want to paint a picture of my upbringing and how that's impacted me to where I'm at today. And so before diving into this conversation, I do want to preface that my story does include some heavy aspects around mental health and these challenges are things that I'm very open about talking otherwise I wouldn't mention it, but I believe that these conversations representation in mental health are so important. So when it comes to our Q and A section, or just in other conversations we may have, just please know if you'd like to talk more about this, I welcome these conversations and questions about my journey in this area. So just wanted to keep you all posted on that. But on the screen, you'll see a picture of my family and shout out to them. I know my parents are probably trying to figure out how to watch this on Instagram live right now, so shout out to them. But I also grew up with two older siblings, and so being the youngest, I'm naturally the favorite. So that's just no one in my family. But with that, it doesn't mean that my life was any quote, unquote, easier than their upbringing, because I believe that it was the exact opposite, as I faced and just struggled in different areas. And as a kid, I was always really creative and pretty bold. I spent hours building Legos, and I just loved to draw and to paint. I had a big imagination, and I was just that weird kid who collected random jars of like rocks and dirt. So just to give you insight of what that looked like, but I also got lost in books too, and reading for me was like escaping to this different reality where I could just use my imagination. And my imagination was so bold that at five years old, I. I actually said that I wanted to be an investor and a business owner, and I actually have a video of that that I came across recently, so I wanted to share that with you really quick baby when you grew up, baby dog and be a guitar player.
Speaker 1 05:12
What else? Be a doctor and be a firefighter and a policeman and a cop. What else? Painting? Where else? An investor, a what investor you are? Yep, the business owner. Really?
Damian Radcliffe 05:38
What do you do when you grow up?
Speaker 1 05:42
Go to school? I would go to school and be
Jackie Gutierrez 05:49
a business owner. Those videos just always crack me up, because the whole getting good grades thing was a bit of a stretch in terms of that goal, since I struggled a lot as a student, but I just really sad that I wanted to be a business owner and investor as if it was no big deal, even though I had no idea what those terms actually meant. But the confidence that I had at five years old was so wild, and so even though I had all these big ideas and these dreams, I just didn't really know how to bring those things to life. Because when you're at that age as a kid, just everything seemed so complicating and intimidating in the world. So although I was very creative, I actually struggled a lot academically in school. And in fact, it was more normal for me to do that walk of shame to my parents and to have them sign my report card or my class assignment, since I got low grades on them versus getting good grades on things. And although I loved learning, academics were just always something that I struggle with. And I was that kid who spent hours just, you know, getting tutored after school in math from literally the time I was in fourth grade up until college, actually. And so it just kind of seemed like no matter how much I tried or studied, it was always just some sort of challenge for me and my family. Also grew up going to church on Sundays, and we became very involved in church. In fact, we became so involved that I started going to the school at my church from the time I was in sixth grade until I graduated high school. And although I'm so grateful for how my parents invested in my education. The reality is that I lived in this Christian like church bubble, because I spent more time at church and school than I did even at home, really. And so I had these big dreams that were usually shot down, which I'll share more on in a little bit. But for me, it was always very confining, in a sense, to live in this environment that didn't always support or steward my growth. And outside of that bubble, the only thing I really had going for me was soccer. So I played soccer for nearly 10 years, and here are some pictures of the teams I was on. And by the look at that last photo, you can see that I was very involved in soccer because that farmer's tan line should honestly be a crime. So yeah, those are good times, but soccer is a place where I found so much joy and being that I'm also super competitive. Soccer was this place where I was just able to embrace his freedom and just being me, so I didn't have to worry about getting good grades on tests or quizzes. And soccer also allowed me and my family to travel a lot in Southern California and in some other states too, when we had tournaments. And so growing up, it was just so cool to have my family be involved. But as I got older, the weight of school and friends and of course, my identity as a whole began to really sink in, and so I didn't have an accurate represent representation of what authenticity looked like. And so when life got hard, I then began to bottle things up, because I believe that was almost necessary in order to survive. And while being a teenager is already pretty weird, there are just so many things that were going on in my life at the time, especially it came when it came to understanding both my worth my purpose in life. And so at the time, I truly believed that my voice didn't matter. I didn't think that I could make my parents proud, and I thought that church people were unsafe. I also didn't feel supported when it came to my passion to pursue soccer. And although I grew up in the church, I just thought that God had really given up and forgotten about me. And so by the time I was 13 years old, I was depressed, struggled with eating disorders, and later on, I dealt with self harm. But the biggest struggle was that I decided that my life wasn't worth living, and so I had planned to take my own life, and for over a year, my mind was filled with so much darkness, and through all the chaos that I internally dealt with, ending my life just seemed like it was a choice that made the most sense, and the hardest part about it was that I struggled in silence, and I. Know that there are even terms such as mental health to describe some of these things, and no one knew what I was going through. And so it got to the point where every morning, two things always happened, and the first is that I would practice smiling in the mirror before I went to school, because I wanted to perfect hiding the pain. And I got really good at it because it worked, and no one knew for a long time. And the second thing is that when I left my house to go to school, I wasn't sure whether or not I would be alive by the end of the day, because I was so determined to find any opportunity I could to take my life. And so every day my life was this gamble of not knowing how the day would really end. In fact, my next step was to write my suicide note before, before I made my final attempt. But thankfully, I didn't get that far. And being that, I went to a Christian school, we had chapel every Friday, and it was September 30, 2011 and that day, I remember just being so ready to kind of tune things out. I was pretty done at that point, but I heard my youth pastor ask these two rhetorical questions, which were, do you ever feel like it would be better if you weren't even here? Or do you think that everything you do is a mistake? And like I said, I said, I wasn't paying attention to what he was actually talking about, so I have no idea what his sermon was even on, but those two questions got my attention, because we had never talked about those types of things. And so in that moment, I just knew that God was was speaking to me that day and through all the chaos that I struggled with, yeah, I just I was hurt a lot by the church. And so it wasn't until this moment that Jesus became real to me. And so as I just sat there quietly talking with God in my brokenness, I just asked him to help me, because I didn't know what to do anymore. I just knew that it would would literally be a matter of time before I would die. In fact, I had about less than two weeks before I really wanted to finally do this, and that was my freshman year of high school. And although I tried not to think about ending my own life so many times, it just never worked. And so God, in His grace, did a miracle my life that day, and made me new. And although I spent so many days thinking that I would never make it all along, it was Jesus who was with me in my pain, and he's the one who's not only fulfilled what I was looking for, but he is the one who's given me everything I've needed and more. And so now I often refer to September 30, 2011 as my anniversary of life. And although I've been set free from those thoughts for gosh, over 13 years now, it definitely doesn't mean that life gets easier, but from that pain, it's allowed me to develop tools in my character to be able to see life and the ability to exist as such a sweet gift and a privilege. And so as a teenager, there were a lot of odds against me. As people in my church and at school told me that I wasn't good enough in certain areas of my life. Actually, in high school, I remember sitting in this meeting with my parents and my academic counselor, and being that I had the bare minimum GPA to go to college, I just remember thinking that there weren't that many options for me.
Jackie Gutierrez 13:33
But in high school, I told people that I wanted to be a writer or a sports journalist, and this is kind of embarrassing to admit, but I even played the part like pretty well. So I wore this brown cross body messenger bag, and I wore this olive green jacket, because I thought that was, you know, what journalists kind of wear back in 2013 and I didn't like coffee at the time, so I would drink large amounts of green tea and walking around school with my little cup. And I just thought that's what writers did. And so I truly just had this main character moment of wanting to be a writer. And I went around school telling people that. But in this meeting, my academic counselor, who was really just my history teacher at the time, asked me, Jackie, what do you want to do in your career? And at 17 years old, I was so excited to tell her that I wanted to be a sportionist for women's soccer, and at the time that, of course, was not cool or even a career option like it is today, but I was so determined to be this, and so I just told her that I wanted to do it. And I'll never forget her response, which was, you know, newspapers are a dying business, and I don't think that's a good idea. You should probably consider something else, because you might not make it. And although that response was definitely not what I wanted to hear, it actually fueled the fire in me, because the reality is that for over a year, I struggled with suicide ideation, and I never played. End to make it, but I did. And so to hear someone of authority in my life say you might not make it was really just a reminder that the opposite was true and that I would make it because I had already defeated the odds just by existing. And as you heard in the video, my my Uncle Joe has been such a key role model for me in my life. And around the same time, I had this encounter at school, my uncle Joe also asked me the same question about my future, and when he heard my response, he said, Jack, if you want to be a sportsman, you've got to start getting writing experience now, because I believe that people want to hear what you have to say about the women's game, and this man just hyped me up. And I remember thinking that was such a crazy idea, because my uncle Joe is known for crazy ideas in her family. But he also knows what it's like to put in the work, because he actually changed his career, from working at an insurance company to then becoming a lawyer, and even though he didn't go to college and had so many odds against him, his success and his drive has allowed him to be one of the managing partners of his law firm. And so when my uncle Joe asked me that question, my mindset was that in order to pursue career, good love, you go to college and then you get experience, and then you get a job and just figure all that stuff out. But in his mind, he saw this potential in me, and he gave me the courage to live out my dream and to be fearless in it. Now, obviously my Uncle Joe and my academic counselor had two very different perspectives on my career decision, because one doubted me based on a very narrow viewpoint of what journalism looked like, while the other saw so much potential in my creativity. And when I think about this situation, it's actually taught me a lot, not just about myself, but about life. And so what I learned from that situation was that your response and your approach to things in life can either burn bridges or build them, because my academic counselor had tunnel vision when it came to defining what journalism looked like, and because of that, her response was to then minimize my potential, whereas my Uncle Joe saw this risk as an opportunity to break barriers In the world, and he wanted to build a bridge to help me achieve that goal. And I think about this moment often, because while I was a student here at the U of O, I had this random idea to reach out to my local newspaper, and I basically just pitched them my career story to see if they wanted to write about it. And what I did wasn't rocket science or anything new, but it was a risk, and it paid off, because in December of 2021, my story was actually published, and not just one, but in nine local newspapers across southern California. So although some people might try to steer you away from your dreams, or while others might say newspapers are, quote, unquote, a dying business. I like to think otherwise. When I first started out on this journey, it was literally just my Uncle Joe and my parents who were really the ones that believed in me, because I definitely didn't know that I can make a difference in the media industry. But by taking the risk, it's actually allowed me to surprise myself in a lot of ways, and then that's where the next phase of my my story takes place when it comes to my education. So while I was in college, I created a few websites and wrote articles while also having various writing internships. But my Uncle Joe always encouraged me to have my own brand of work, and so at the end of 2018 I made this website called woman kickballs. And the story behind the name is pretty funny, but one day, my uncle Joe actually came over to our house, and he just put his credit card down the table and he said, Jack, let's get you a website. And I never saw the benefits of having a website, because at first I didn't want to pay for a domain name, and it's kind of embarrassing, but I was so content with using the longest domain names ever that were for free, like Jay gooty five, dot website, dot, you know, whatever. And so, I mean, I thought, I really thought people were going to insert that into their URLs, but when I sat down at the dinner table with the three most, most important men in my life, which are my dad, my brother, my uncle, Joe, that's when it became real. And so we were going back and forth for a little bit, sharing names. And the name I initially wanted cost over $2,000 so I knew that wasn't gonna happen, and so I just had to come up with something original. And there's this player named Cindy Laroux that I grew up watching, and in her Twitter bio, she has this phrase, I kick balls. And I just always thought that was funny. So I would tell people I write about women who kick balls. I obviously got some weird. Looks. But I then had to fine tune it a little bit, and eventually I just pitched them the name woman kickballs. And although the three of them initially laughed, I then explained it a little bit more, and they were immediately on board. So I went ahead and purchased the domain name, and that was literally the best 99 cents I ever spent, or in this case, my uncle Joe ever spent. So while I was at Vanguard University, I studied communication, and I was just starting woman kickballs on my own as this little side quest. And when I graduated in May of 2020, with my bachelor's, it was a big moment, because I was the first in my family to graduate from a four year university, and I was also the first student to ever graduate from Vanguard with a minor in journalism, because it was a new program, and I didn't even plan it just kind of happened. So I was really looking forward to graduating. But then there was this thing called COVID, and instead of walking across the stage, I just then sat on my couch and was wearing this very expensive cap and gown and just kind of watch my graduation online. And I remember at this moment, I did not know what was next, but when I was in college, I remember thinking that it would be kind of cool to get a master's degree in journalism, but then again, I was kind of already doing what I loved, so I didn't know how that would actually helped me, but then that led to taking another risk. So since zoom was the new normal, I just attended this online information session with the sojc. And of course, I had a lot of questions, not just because I'm a journalist, but I was just really confused as to what to do with life, and I just had no idea what I was doing, which you'll see, is a very common theme in my life. But a few reasons why I was really intrigued with the program was because, one, it was in close proximity to a soccer team I cover called the thorns go. Thorns got some fans there. And two, it didn't require me to take the GRE so that was a really big plus. So after meeting some of the professors and asking a lot of questions, I just applied to the sojc A week before the deadline. And I just thought, if this works out great, and if not, then that's okay too. But to my surprise, I was accepted, and I just remember being so excited, because it felt like this program was going to shape me more, even more into living out my dream. But being that I was in Southern California, I decided to stay there. And so during that year, I was a full time grad student, had a full time marketing job, and was also managing women kickballs full time. So in case you couldn't tell, I was obviously doing a lot. But even though my time at the sojc was on Zoom, it truly felt like this life changing experience, and one of the biggest lessons that it taught me was to never stop learning. And this program became so special to me because I quickly saw how for the first time in my life, being at the sojc was where I felt like I was finally in the right environment to grow as a professional. And this is the case because when I started attending the sojc, I actually avoided doing video and audio work because I was so intimidated by it.
Jackie Gutierrez 23:11
But now it's become one of my favorite things to do in my job. And when you're in a online grad student and the world seems as if it's ending, and when sung Park gives you this assignment on editing random clips on Adobe Premiere Pro with the purpose of telling this cohesive story, it then allows you to hone into these skills of being a creative problem solver. And so that's just what I had to do. But when I think about my experience as a student, it was obviously very different than what I imagined it to be, but the lessons that came from it are what has shaped me into the person and the professional that I am today. And a lot of young people will ask me like, how did you get to where you're at, or how can I work for you, or how can I do what you do? And although those questions are valid and things that I probably asked other professionals when I first started out. The reality is that there's no secret sauce to what I've done, because anyone can do it, but the only key ingredient that makes everything work is having a hard work ethic. I know that sounds very basic and probably not the answer you expected to hear but it's true. It's all about having a work ethic that is willing to take the risk, a work ethic that is willing to break barriers, even when others don't believe in you, a work ethic that is always willing to find a way to make it work. And another major news flash that I want to share with you all is this, is that you'll never have life figured out, and that's okay, because once I graduated from the U of O, I don't know why, but I just thought that life would be really easy, I guess, in a way. But the reality is that life just becomes harder in different ways. But again, your response and your approach. This can make all the difference. So when I graduated from U of O, I was working at a very successful PR firm, and although I was the first ever digital marketing hire, my job just kind of sucked the life out of me. And while the U of O taught me all these incredible skills of storytelling through photo and video and magazine design and audio. The reality is that my ideas would take weeks to get approved by clients and even my bosses, so I oftentimes just spent more time sitting in an empty office with not much to do. And some people would look at that and say, it's a win, because I was getting paid to kind of do nothing at times, but I just thought it was a waste of my potential and a waste of the value that I wanted to add to the world. And so naturally, I just quit, and I didn't really have a plan, and that's how I accidentally became a full time freelancer. So now I then had to work harder than ever to make more connections to then start building things like a client portfolio and and all that stuff. And I'm thankful to have worked with some really cool brands along the way, like clients, or with clients like writing articles for Forbes, modeling soccer gear for Nike, which was so random, writing some content for soccer trading cards and being paid to make videos for brands and so many things. And it's been really fun, but it's also been really hard as well. And speaking of things being difficult, when I first started freelancing, I actually almost gave up. Literally just one month into it, my first client was paying me about $35 to write a newsletter that took six hours to create, and I just thought, I am not cut out for this. And so I was searching for freelance jobs, and I always kind of, you know, came up empty handed. And so I quickly began to question, like, what was I doing with my life? And I actually remember driving back home one day, and I was so frustrated, and I was honestly just having this really sad girl hour moment, I guess is what you can call it. And I was just in my feels. I was crying on the way back home about this project not working out, and I just legit thought about quitting. And then I asked myself, Jackie, do you want to sit here and feel sorry for yourself, or do you want to think about the skills that have brought you joy in your work, and then focus on how you can incorporate that into your work. And so when I framed it that way, I realized the second option sounded way better than the first one. So it wasn't that I was ignoring the challenges or the feelings of disappointment, because let me tell you, sometimes you really do just need a good cry. But the difference was that I couldn't sit there and soak in that. And so I started thinking about my experience at the University of Oregon, and one of the classes that I really enjoyed was this magazine design class. And as a side note, I actually took this class by accident, because as a grad student, all the other electives were filled and so I ended up taking this class with a bunch of undergrads, and I had no idea what I was doing, because they were all using InDesign, and I didn't know how to use that program. I just knew how to use Photoshop. But that class was so fun, and it led me to wanting to create a soccer magazine. So that was in 2022 and that was a very unique year, because the league I cover is called the National Women's Soccer League, or the NWSL, and at the time, it had 10 teams in the league, but there was never an NWSL team in California. So in 2022 we actually got two NWSL teams in California, and it was a very big deal. And we got one in LA called Angel City, and then one in San Diego, called San Diego wave FC, and I was already going to all these games as media. And that year I actually went to 27 NWSL games, which is a lot, because each team typically has, or at the time they did, had 12 home games and 12 away games. And so during that year, I was covering all the teams in the league, but I was always going to these NWSL games in person to interview players and to build relationships with them, such as Alex Morgan and other major coaches as well. But that's when the light bulb went off, because I realized that I had all this content, but now I had this purpose for it, and that was to create a 40 page print magazine that focused on the growth of women's soccer in Southern California by covering these two teams. And so this magazine was so intense because it was being written updated as the season was unfolding, and in the span of about seven months, I was a one woman show doing all the work. So I had no idea how printing would work, or what the profit margins would be, or how to come up with $4,000 to fund this, and, of course, so many other factors, but I just found a way to make it work. And so this magazine was going to be a print only edition, and so all the stories I wrote in the images that I took were only available in this magazine. I. Yeah, and with that, I also had to secure magazine sponsorships to fund it. And so that was a whole other aspect of business that was learning on the fly. Because I kind of felt like I was on Shark Tank when I was talking to people and asking them for money for this project. But I was able to secure the $4,000 in funding costs. And when the cost got fulfilled, what it showed me was that there were other businesses that believed in me before actually seeing the product of this project. And that was pretty wild to me, but it also happened because I showed up and I built credibility in the industry, and so my funding covered 1000 sorry, 1000 copies, and surprisingly, I sold out of all of them. But that didn't happen overnight. It took a lot of work when it came to marketing, and I was actually packaging all these magazines one by one and shipping them out from my bedroom, but it worked. And so for me, that's what mattered. And then in 2023 was a unique year, as it was a World Cup year, and the 2023 FIFA Women's World Cup was such a major milestone because it was being held in two locations which had never been done before. So New Zealand and Australia were the two hosts, two host countries, and so now it was just a matter of figuring out how to get there, even better, how to get paid to be there. And as a freelancer, it's tough, because everything is usually on your own dime when it comes to expenses and travel, but with my creativity, I wanted to come up with something different. So instead of creating a GoFundMe, I just wanted to really invite people into that process of this trip. So I created this world cup camp, World Cup campaign, where people could just sign up to this tier with different benefits. And one of the main reasons why people signed up is because now I decided to do a volume two magazine, and this time it would be about NWSL players that were participating in the World Cup with their national team. So the 2023, FIFA Women's World Cup marked a lot of new beginnings in the game. The prize money increased, the number of teams increased to 32 and the two host countries were a new factor. And so there was a lot of excitement about the game. But for me personally, it was so special because the first soccer game I ever watched was a 2011 FIFA Women's World Cup final with my dad. So to be able to attend my first World Cup was such a full circle moment. And so I just started googling flights and estimating food costs and calculating affordable but also not too sketchy Airbnbs. And I just outlined this whole trip as if I was going to the World Cup. And so I just estimated the cost to be about $12,000
Jackie Gutierrez 32:40
so once I had my outline for the magazine and my plan for the campaign, and of course, my numbers down, I just kind of went for it and launched this, this campaign. And to my surprise, the campaign got more than fulfilled by my email subscribers, literally on the day that I arrived to New Zealand. And so thank God for business credit cards, because I was just putting all good on that. And I not only felt like I was then living in a dream, but that's when I realized like I was living the dream. And so I planned to spend three weeks in New Zealand and then head to Australia for the final and my plans didn't include a lot of the back and forth travel, like a lot of my colleagues did, but I was just so excited to be there among top notch journalists from all over the world, covering the biggest World Cup in FIFA history. And so at this point, you probably learned that I tend to surprise myself a lot, and even though it happens so often, I still find myself in shock by some of the projects that I set out to do, and just how many cool moments happened in between them as well. So although there were so many incredible moments about being at the World Cup for 37 days, one of the earliest memories of my time there always sticks with me, and it was actually for the opening game. It was New Zealand against Norway, and one of my email subscribers just gave me tickets to enjoy the game and the opening ceremony as a fan. And I really go to soccer games outside of being in the media. I'm kind of spoiled now, but it was just so cool to really soak all of it in from that perspective. And at halftime, I actually wandered around the stadium and just came across one of the supporters group from LA. And as I was talking with someone, I noticed these two teenage boys just standing near me, as if they, like, wanted to say something. And because they were teenage boys, I just, you know, decided to break the silence. And I was just like, Hey guys, what's what's up, what's going on? And they looked at me and they said, Are you? Are you? And I could just tell that they were kind of nervous to say something. And so that's when it hit me, is that because they're teenage boys and just awkward in general, they were probably embarrassed to say the name, women kick balls. And so that's when I chimed in, and I said, Yeah, women kick balls. And they said, Yeah. Is that you? I said, Yeah, and I just introduced myself to them, and just asked how they recognized me, and they said, we watch your YouTube channel. And I was totally surprised. And my YouTube channel is pretty small, and I just thought it was so sweet that they wanted to come up and say hi. But then it got better. And so when I interact with fans, I just like to ask them where they're they're from. I just think it's so cool to hear about where fans are traveling from to enjoy a game. And so when I asked them where they're from, they said, We live here in New Zealand, and we watch your YouTube channel, so we just saw you wanted to say hi, and I didn't catch their names, because they left pretty quickly, but it was a moment that I'll never forget. In fact, I haven't posted a YouTube video in a while, but I should, because when I think about that moment, I'm reminded that you never know who's watching and you never know what kind of impact you'll make. Because when you use your voice and share your work with the world, people want to enjoy it, and if it sticks with them, they'll even want to engage with it, and those two teenage boys didn't realize it, but they brought a sense of renewed excitement in my work, because they reminded me that even when I doubted myself and faced impostor syndrome while I was literally on my flight to New Zealand that day or a few days before, that moment, was proof that I was right where I belonged, and that people wanted me to be there. And the crazy part is that this type of interaction continued to happen almost everywhere I went. And so although I'm already a social butterfly, being in New Zealand was so surreal, because everywhere you went, people were always talking about the World Cup. And so when I interact with fans on the bus or on shuttle rides, and even at games, people knew of women kickballs The moment it got mentioned. And it all stemmed from taking the risk of just finding a way to go to the World Cup, and it's been by far, one of my favorite experiences in my career. However, as an entrepreneur in sports media. I'm gonna keep it very real with you. I, like I said, I wasn't planning on being self employed, and so when I first started out, I had no idea what woman kickballs would become, or who would impact or what value it would add to the media industry. But after 10 years of covering the game and six years after managing women kickballs on my own, there's always so many incredible opportunities and milestones and, of course, so many challenges, but I always feel like I'm just getting started in a way. So with that, I also wanted to share some important lessons with you all as well, because oftentimes people might see my social media falling, or see me at a game, or think that I'm some multi person company, and they ask me, like, how can I work for you? And it's a question that I get quite often that I'm both flattered and slightly offended by. I'm flattered that people want to be a part of this thing that I created, and that they have such a strong passion for the game as well, but also slightly offended, because if they knew the challenges that I face, they probably wouldn't be asking me that, since it's up to me to create an income, and that always comes with a lot of challenges that many people don't think about. You see, chasing your dream in a society where you're going against the norm is not only one of the most thrilling things that you'll you'll do in the world, but it's also one of the most exhausting and challenging things that you'll ever do, too, in being both an independent sports journalist that is part of the media and then someone who produces media services for clients in the soccer industry, there are so many times where Sunday, some days, I feel like I'm on cloud nine, and other days I'm questioning, like, what the heck am I doing with my life? So if any of you students here are experiencing that now, I just want to reassure you that it's totally normal and it probably won't go away. So try to break it to you that way. But when I first started covering games as a media in 2018 women, kickballs actually didn't even exist, and I was a kid in college with this writing internship, and there was actually a US Women's National Team game in LA and I had never been to a game as media before, but my editor of the internship at the time approved of my credentials, and she just gave me this three minute pep talk on the phone a few days before, and since it was my first game, I had no idea what I was supposed to do, and I also didn't have a car, so that kind of was a big problem. But even though I wasn't getting paid through this internship, I just rented a car and drove an hour from Orange County to LA and just kind of figured it out. And so when I went to the Match Day, minus one press conference, I remember feeling so official when I got this press badge, and I was so amazed at seeing players just up close and personal. But since I didn't know what I was doing, I thought to myself, like, what would my Uncle Joe do right now? I. And the first thing that came to mind is that I realized he would want me to introduce myself to people, to not just show my face, but to really engage the people that I could learn from. So that's what I did. And it was intimidating, because at the time, I wasn't a social butterfly, like I am now, like I truly am a yapper. Now, that's for sure, but I quickly realized that I was the youngest Hispanic female journalist in the room, and I felt so out of place, and my confidence just quickly tanked when I was there. But when I came back the next day, on game day, I really just pushed myself to keep going and to keep showing up, despite the doubts I had. And when I was in the press box, I was in line to get dinner, and I remember seeing a writer that I admired from the LA Times, and I was so nervous to go up to him and say hi, but I just put myself out there and did it. And we talked for a little bit, and he gave me some advice, and he even offered to help me in my career. And in that moment, I realized that if I wanted to succeed, I needed to view the people in this in this room as a collective that lifts one another up, instead of a competition that is always fighting to trample each other down. And so from the press box, the press conference, I just knew that I stuck out like a sore thumb at that game, because here I was as this young kid with golden brown arms, and at the time, I only had some tattoos on them, and I remember wearing Doc Martens because I thought that they looked cute that day. And like my younger self envisioned, I also wore this brown cross body messenger bag. And I just truly thought that I was that girl in the moment. So I also pushed myself to ask questions, which was so nerve wracking for me at the time, but I just knew that I needed to make the most of this opportunity.
Jackie Gutierrez 41:53
So at my first press conference, I was interviewing the head coach of the US Women's National Team, and when they asked who had questions, I just shot my hand right up to get the first question in. And it wasn't my natural instinct, but again, I thought, What would my Uncle Joe do right now? And so I was just dreading asking this question, but I did, and they passed a microphone to me so that everyone in the room could hear it, and my stomach was in this knot from just being so nervous, and my throat felt really tight and dry, and of course, I didn't have water with me because because of the nervousness, and so I actually ended up stuttering when I was asking my question, and when I finished asking it, the coach said, I'm so sorry I couldn't quite get the end of that question. Could you repeat it? And it was so terrifying, because that was the worst case scenario of what could happen, but I just did it. And so I believe that a big part of any type of success in life is doing the thing that scares you. It's taking the risk and just putting it all out there and putting all that you have into it, while also believing that even if it doesn't go well, you can just learn something from it to be better next time. You see, I used to be somewhat ashamed of the fact that I was always the youngest Hispanic female journalist in the room, especially when you're first starting out, it's pretty intimidating to be around people who are so much older than you and who all look the same, and of course, who make asking questions look so effortless and it's intimidating to look around the room and realize that you're the only one who doesn't really, quote, unquote, fit in. But what I've learned is that not fitting in actually provides more opportunities to be seen by coaches and players and, of course, fans who are hungry for a different perspective, because in a way, you as the underdog or as a minority in the room actually represent a new hope of possibility for other people, too. And so now when I walk into a room, I just kind of own those differences. And even in 2025 I'm still usually the youngest Hispanic female in the room, and I hope I'm not the last one, because, not going to lie, it gets kind of lonely at times, but the way that I carry myself is so different now. And so I have this confidence, but not in a cocky way. I just have this confidence because I've shown up time and time again, even when no one was watching. However, sometimes our brains face this thing called impostor syndrome, and some of you might have heard of it because you experience it too. But for those of you who don't know what it is, impostor syndrome is doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud in every situation. And the truth is, it's actually something that I experience almost every day. Impostor syndrome kicks in all the time, especially when people ask me to be on a podcast, or when someone wants to pick my brain, or sometimes even when I'm at games as well, the imposter syndrome will always find a way to doubt my potential, and even now in my career, I'm experiencing that in a different way, because with woman kick balls, it's allowed me the incredible privilege of. Of meeting so many people from across the world, and even when I travel to games in different countries, in different states, I'm always just amazed when I hear people yell my name from the stands. Actually, my favorite thing is when people refer to me as women kickballs Because they don't know my name. But it just sounds so funny hearing that out loud. And so soccer has this special way of bringing people together. And in April of 2023 I had this really wild idea to open a soccer coffee shop that is focused on going the women's game. And it was just this other big idea that I had. And I just saw how both soccer and coffee bring people together. And although game days are really fun to do that too, I wanted to provide a way to do that in a setting outside of a game day. So my brain immediately just started planning and drawing out layouts of coffee shops. And I began my quote, unquote research, which really just meant that I had 15 tabs open on Google about, you know, mix of how to watch YouTube videos on being a barista and how to find a coffee job, or how to do latte art and all these things. And so for about a year, I just sat on this idea, and I took the time to invest in taking coffee classes, which I didn't know were a thing, and I researched home espresso machines so I could start practicing, and I just began making coffee and trying latte art, and at the time, they were really just blobs of white milk. So I promise I've improved on that area. But even just in branching out into the coffee industry, I had to remind myself that it's okay to not know everything, because my experience in the soccer and the media landscape is one thing, but the coffee industry is literally a whole other ball game. But in wanting to grow my dream into creating a soccer coffee shop, I had to come up with this realistic plan, and so that plan is then broken out into three different stages. So the first stage is I have a coffee bean subscription, and so I sell coffee online, and each bag is actually made fresh from high quality beans. And one of the cool things about it is that on the back of each bag, it actually has a crossword puzzle with trivia facts about the NWSL, and the second stage is in operating a coffee cart. And so with that, I want to go to use soccer games and serve specialty coffee to engage with families. And I think about when I was a kid and how watching Women's Professional Soccer at the time wasn't even a thing. And so I want to bridge that gap and have a coffee cart that shows families and kids just how exciting and how fun the woman's game can be. And the last phase, of course, is building out a soccer coffee shop. I don't have a slide for it, just FYI, because it's still in the works, but it's by far one of the wildest ideas I've ever had. But I also see how each phase not only builds off the other, but then it's this catalyst that continues fueling the mission of women kickballs, which is to grow the exposure of women's soccer in the US. So right now I'm on phase two, and I'm actually launching the coffee cart next month, which has been super exciting. But before I even actually launched it, back in October, I was asked to serve coffee at the Del Mar wine and Del Mar wine and sorry, it's such a long name, Del Mar Wine and Food Festival. There we go. And this opportunity randomly just came up as someone saw my coverage on Forbes of Alex Morgan and her last game, as she was retiring, and she was actually going to be part of the festival as well. And so though it was a very exciting opportunity, I was just once again experiencing one of those moments where you have an outline of what you would like to happen, but then you're also figuring out everything as it's happening. And to be honest with you, I think that's one of the most beautiful things about life, is that we don't have to live in this fear of the unknown, but instead, we get to live in the freedom of endless possibilities. And in talking about this theme of being fearless, there is this verse in the Bible that I often cling to. It's found in Isaiah 4113 which says, For I hold you by your right hand. I the LORD your God, and I say to you, don't be afraid, for I am here to help you, and I don't know about you, but when I hear that, I'm just encouraged, because it's a reminder that no matter what happens in this life, that I'm not alone, especially when I'm going through difficult times, it's a reminder that I can draw strength and love and courage from the creator of the universe, and he is the one that sustains my joy, and then my joy is spread out into things like soccer and Being in the media and making coffee. But at the end of the day, those things aren't the only things that define me. It's not where I fully place my identity or coherent value in because these things are just temporary in this life, and really, they're just tools that lead to avenues of connecting the people. You, and so my joy, my identity, is actually found in Jesus, and he's the one that not only keeps me going, but he's the reason why I'm even here. And speaking of how to keep going, it's another question that I get asked a lot, and although I ask myself that question a lot of the times too, I wanted to close with an encouragement to you all about how to do that through three steps. So the first step is to find yourself an Uncle Joe. And it's not a little uncle named Joe, but it's just someone that you know will be in your corner to help push you and encourage you. It's someone who adds value to your life and wants more for you instead of more from you. It's someone that will challenge you with the goal of wanting to provide a new perspective, and ultimately, it's someone that pushes you to be better. And finding an Uncle Joe can also mean finding a few people to do that for you, whether it's a friend or a parent or a mentor. It's about finding your people that will be there for you when you want to give up, people that will remind you of your potential when your brain wants to convince you otherwise. And it's the people that will be there to help you in the quote, unquote, small things so that it can help make things easier as you build bigger things,
Jackie Gutierrez 51:23
it's important to find people that you know, that you can trust, and that make even the good days better in life, because they are the people that are going to help fuel you. The second step is to not let your inner critic dictate your decisions. And this is probably the hardest step, because if you're like me, you want things to be done right, and you want to be better than the previous day. But at the same time, you can also or sorry, at the same time, you can't be too hard on yourself, because chasing the dream should be fun. It should be exhilarating. It should be full of adventure and full of saying yes while also knowing when to say no, and it should be full of color and vibrancy, but your inner critic will sometimes try to suck the life out of you, and your inner critic will become too technical and too hard on yourself, and it will try to convince you that you're just not cut out for the job, and that's not true, the inner critic will also pollute your approach in focusing way too much on strategy while also stripping your personality from your work. And I believe that both strategy and personality are important in what you do, and they should always work together cohesively. So if they're not, my advice is to repeat steps one and two. But if you're anything like me, I think in a sense, that inner critic will always be there, and at times, I know that's okay, because it actually fuels me and helps me to keep going in a weird way. But the advice I also want to pass along to you is to make sure that you keep it in its place, and the third step is to never give up. And I know that can sound so cliche and very basic, but when you look around this room, each and every one of you have such unique purpose in this life. And even from the beginning, you were born into a very specific family, and you experience a plethora of both highs and lows in life, and you're each gifted in areas that are so specific to who you are, and you've been created with a personality and a calling that is so uniquely crafted for only you to fulfill. And the crazy part is that there's only one of you in this life, and your life is so valuable that it can't be duplicated on this earth. And so some of you as students might not see it, but people need your presence. They need your joy. They need your gifts, and they need your light. However, the reality is that the world and some people haven't always been kind to us, but now we get to change that in ways that are so much bigger than ourselves. And so we get to pave an avenue of defeating the odds by being fearless, by being bold, and by taking many risks in life. And so when life gets hard, think about your why, and also ask yourself, what brings joy to my life, and then go out and do that thing, and take time to discover what fuels you. Take time to grow and to learn and when needed, I encourage you to take time for yourself, because, trust me, your body and your mind will thank you for it. Because after you turn 25 and your frontal lobe fully develops. I don't know your body is just changing, and it's just not the same when you were younger. But not giving up on yourself is definitely easier said than done. But one of the things that I realized in life is that you'll always be fighting for a different version of you, because you're always growing. And always evolving. And when I was at the World Cup, I had this moment of doubting myself, and so I made this promise to myself that I'll always keep fighting for us, for the 13 year old kid that wanted to end their life, for the 17 year old kid who wanted to be a sportionist and drank a lot of green tea at the time, for the 25 year old young adult that started this business from scratch, and for the current 27 year old self that is figuring out the coffee world and Latte Art, and, of course, for the next versions of me that are to come as well. So I hope that you're inspired to do the same, because although it might not seem like it now, it is so worth it, and although this is somewhat of a given, I just wanted to make sure that I touch on this point before we close. But with being fearless, it doesn't mean that you just trample over people and push out anyone that doesn't align with your values. But being unstoppable doesn't mean that you also stop asking for help, either or that you view people as less than yourself, but in being fearless, it does mean that not everyone will think like you, and that's okay. Your circle of friends might become smaller, your priorities will shift, and your thought process will look very different. However, at the end of the day, I urge you to always treat people with kindness and respect and to always strive to do the right thing, because I cannot begin to tell you just how small this world is sometimes, and when you start connecting the dots and realize that so many people know each other and treating people with kindness and respect also means treating those that You actually don't like with the same amount of kindness and respect too. And trust me, it's hard and it won't be fun, but I've learned that it's always more valuable to treat people right, so that you can keep them at a distance if you need to, versus speaking negatively about someone and having it spread like wildfire. So in closing, I hope that this conversation brought about a new perspective of what it means to be fearless and to define the odds that are either currently against you or the ones that will come against you in the future. And as you heard tonight, I took a lot of risk in life, and I didn't always have the answers figured out, but taking those risks has led me to so many incredible opportunities, and I hope that I was as all of you grow, you'll never hold back in taking risk or in being curious in your journey, because you never know what avenues of possibility they can lead to. From my experience, I'm grateful that one of the risks I has I took has led me to be here with you. So thank you all so much for having me tonight.
Damian Radcliffe 57:55
Thank you for listening to the business, design media podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please hit LIKE feel free to subscribe or drop us a comment to let us know your thoughts about this series. And while you're at it, why not check out another podcast that we produce, the next generation leaders podcast features fresh conversations with young alumni from the University of Oregon School of Journalism and Communication. Just search for the next generation leaders podcast on all major podcast platforms you.